Breaking the Good Mom Myth
Before I became a mum, I had this expectation of myself to being the perfect mother – loving, caring, someone who is forever patient with the kids, someone who has all the answers, who can cook, juggle the schedules, etc.
When my older boy came along, things went into a chaotic phase. All my ideals were thrown out of the window and I was constantly near tears and always wondered how I became such a dreadful mum … and wife. And I was really stressed too.
Then one day, in one of my rare solo outings, I stumbled on this book – Breaking the Good Mom Myth. It talks about the following myths which many mothers like me think are what is expected of us.
Myth 1 – Self-care is selfish. Apparently it is not … You need this to be happy and healthy and the kids need you to be so.
Myth 2 – My children are a reflection of me. Again, it is not so and it has to do with you wanting to be a slow parenting person or a quick fix parenting person. It made me think about how I handle my kids in a whole new way.
Myth 3 – My marriage can wait. Definitely a big no-no. The kids need to see that mummy and daddy are in a loving relationship. Our marriage serves as a guide book and a pillar of strength for them to grow up healthy and happy.
Myth 4 – Good mothers are all caring and all protecting. Yup, I guess we have all been there where we over do things for our kids to the point of pampering them.
Myth 5 – Good mothers are in control. This will help breed a power hungry child who will then go into a power struggle with you. One of the solution is to have a family meeting to set expectations and lay down rules.
Myth 6 – Good mothers manage sibling conflict. Apparently children fight to get our attention. So maybe the next time they fght, we let them be, unless there is a tendency the fight will escalate to someone being in the hospital!
Myth 7 – Only the best education for my child. Dangers of having the “best’ education and us being too pushy and then causing stress upon our kids!
Myth 8 – Good mothers make life fun and entertaining. Aiyai yai … this is the best one. We have to learn to ensure that our kids are able to self-entertain! This was like music to my ears, really. I am not so bad after all.
Now, after seeing this, isn’t this a great book? Finally, I realised I am not a horrible mum! If you are interested, check out this book by Alyson Schafer. Available in paperback at MPH for RM47.80. It’s ISBN number is 978-0-470-83743-6.
Happy reading!
This post has 3 comments
March 23rd, 2009
You know what? When I knew I was going to become a mother, I was scared. Because I knew that I’m just not good enough to be a mother just yet. Of course, I’ve learned that it’s not true, fortunately we can all learn on the job how to be a better parent to the little tots!
March 23rd, 2009
Penny – I think we were all scared and worried because all of us had some expectations formed/ imposed onto us. But as time goes by, our experience will help make motherhood more fun for us. Enjoy!
April 13th, 2009
Breaking the Good Mom Myth | Ideas and Reviews great article thank you.